Easter Light

People often ask us what it is the hardest part of being an expat.   It is difficult to answer because it is both learning a whole different culture while also just dealing with what life throws at you and sometimes those things get jumbled together.  Some events would happen no matter where we were living but being abroad magnifies the challenges in certain ways.  Life has thrown us some pretty big challenges while we’ve been in Australia and most days we feel pretty proud that we haven’t caved under the pressure.  This week of Good Friday has been one of those life altering weeks that would have happened no matter where we were living. There are some weeks that just change your life, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse….this week was one of the latter for my sweet husband. There are days where you get confirmation of something so unjust, calculated and cruel that you simply cannot believe it.  Many of you know how much my beloved has struggled with his health this past year.  If you have ever loved someone who is in constant pain and you simply don’t know how to help you might understand a bit of what this year has been like.  We knew stress, grief and anxiety were part of what was happening but those are tough things to wade though when in physical pain..  Lawson has been fortunate to have some medications that help but they are not a long term solution.  He has desperately wanted to be back to his old self.  This week Lawson finally felt strong enough physically and emotionally to try to get some answers to things like why hasn’t he heard anything about his mom’s will being probated.  After inquiring and finding that the will did indeed still include all four children Lawson hired a lawyer to get some answers.  She found that there was no will to probate..  I bet you can figure out how this sad story ends.  Greed, jealousy, bitterness, deception….it’s an old, sad story repeated frequently according to our lawyer..  The hurt, the grief my dear husband is feeling is overwhelming.  To know that your mother was tricked by your siblings into signing something that cuts you out is hard to take.  In the short term the pain is more acute but hopefully bringing this darkness into the light will eventually help ease some of the anxiety and stress he has been experiencing.  There is something about knowing with certainty what has happened.  Lawson has been pondering whether he knew deep down this deception happened all along but couldn’t allow himself to really deal with that possibility while also grieving losing his mom – until now.  And maybe, just maybe this has been part of what has caused so much stomach pain?  So what do we do dealing with this from half a world away?  Well, we move forward with Lawson’s healing as our top priority!  We move forward enjoying every moment we have with our beautiful daughters!  We move forward enjoying every second of this Australian adventure!  We move forward toward forgiveness because we must forgive – our faith and hearts require it.  We move forward full of pain but also with hearts that refuse to wallow in bitterness.  We move forward with hope that the beauty in this world is greater than the darkness in this moment.  We move toward the light!. Walter Anderson says it far better than we can in the quote below.  This life is precious!
Writing has always been a way for both Lawson and I to express ourselves, to make sense of life and a creative outlet.  I realize neither of us has felt like writing because we were almost holding our breath, waiting for the shoe to drop..  Well, it has dropped and we both are taking some deep breaths as we have begun to digest everything and hopefully move toward closure.  My hope is that writing whether it be in Morning Pages from the Artist Way or through catching up on some long overdue emails and maybe even writing some real letters (gasp…do we still know how to do that?) or through our blog posts will help us in moving forward and help Lawson’s heart heal.  As always, thank you for all the private messages checking on us during this drought of blogging and always for following along on this expat journey!  We treasure your friendship!  You may never now just how much your kindnesses have kept us afloat!   May you all have a Good Friday and may the light of Easter shine brightly into your life!
(As an end note….Lawson edited and put words to the portion that is his to tell.).




2 Comments on “Easter Light

  1. Dear Susan and Lawson
    My heart grieves for you but my soul rejoices in that we have living hope. Easter is all about that. Jesus our living hope – we sing that song at my Church.
    I know the pain only too well of a betrayal of trust. And yes forgiveness is the only way.
    May you have a blessed Easter. I hope to see you soon.

    • Thank you Rhonda! Lawson is gutted. I just want him to feel better. It has impacted our time here tremendously. Sending you much love and blessings for a wonderful Easter!

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