Be like bamboo!


Both yesterday and today I opened boxes that smelled like my mom and both yesterday and today I have wanted to curl up in the fetal position!  There is no preparation for death.  There is no preparation for clearing out the family home.  Forgive my language but it sucks…that is all! 

Shortly after my mom passed away, I packed away boxes that I planned to keep forever.  For the past few months, I have been slowly unpacking those boxes and looking realistically at what I really can keep.  My mom was a child of the Depression so for her (and many of her generation) the acquisition of formal china, formal pieces of all kinds was very important.  It was a measure of success.  She also very much loved things that reminded her of her roots in rural Georgia….so formal with a nod to country in a lovely ranch style home was my upbringing.  It was a beautiful upbringing but my tastes now are more Eames chairs and simple lines.  I once dreamed of having a bed and breakfast with all my parents antiques, etc filling it but that dream has shifted and now I must let go!  One of the best pieces of advice I have received was to pick a certain number of my parents things and allow myself to only keep that amount.  It is brutal but effective!  Even at this, I fear I am still keeping too much!  In three days time, I must hand the keys over to the estate sale people so they can begin their month long job of pricing things.  Again, fetal position is looking really good about now yet I must be the bamboo that bends!FullSizeRender (10)
More on what to do and a whole lot of what not to do (because I have done a lot of that) in the next blog post!  


8 Comments on “Be like bamboo!

  1. My heart goes out to you Susan. No, there is no preparation for death and no time frame for grief. I feel your pain. I am missing my life companion and soul mate so much as I make some major decisions and life changes. My love, thoughts and prayers are with you. Rhonda xx

    • And mine to you dear Rhonda! I cannot imagine how difficult making these major life changes must be without Duncan. As with Jeannette’s mom, I feel like I know him through you! Please know you are never alone! While we are out of pocket a bit now and missing so much on social media, we are always here in spirit for you and just a little delayed in our responses…but always here. You too are one of the strongest women I know! You are so gracefully moving forward with your life, a life that was unexpected, with such courage! You inspire me to be brave with this major transition we have ahead! Love you!

  2. Praying for you, Susan. I know these are difficult decisions you are having to make. When you first mentioned an estate sale I thought I must go to that and bring home some trinket that belonged to my friend to remember her by. Then i thought, barely a day goes by that she doesn’t cross my mind. Such fun and sweet memories I have of them. You are part of them both and they are in your heart and soul. Those things are just that, things. So let those things go and get on with those exciting things ahead for you and your family. Love your blog posts.

    • Oh Linda, thank you so very, very much! Yes, I carry them with me always as do their friends! I think the hardest thing has been hearing mom in my head saying “You’re getting rid of that?” Of course, I don’t think she is saying this now but she had strong attachments on earth. And, the thing is I love it all because it was theirs…but I need to let others have that love in their home! These things are imbued with it! The estate sale people were telling us stories about people who had a house full of their own things and then would just take in all of their parents or siblings and then just be stuffed. With this adventure, I obviously couldn’t do that but it certainly is not a way to live even if you are not moving at all. I am keeping things I think Mom would find funny…little vases, the everyday china not the formal….the everyday little things that she made so special! Thanks again for your very kind comments! It helps so much in this letting go!

  3. I agree… there is no timeframe. I don’t know if you noticed, but in my home I have a Korean Chest. It is filled with memories of my mother. In fact, when you open it up, my mother’s room comes through. All the smells of, newspapers, perfume, and make-up! I absolutely love it. After she passed, all I took was a jade tree, some of her most outrageous Janet Jackson era outfits, and her “paperwork”. Just enough to fit in the chest. No fetal position – just strength. Whenever I feel the pressure of life and health come crashing in on me, I think of my
    Momma, she loved me… she took care of me… and she taught me about life. My children know her life is represented by me, and the way I conduct myself. Not by the chach-kees she had all over her house or the papers that show her life’s work. It is in me. But, the Korean Chest represents her soul and presence here on earth and for that I am so proud to call myself her daughter. You are representative of your parents and from what I know of you, they must’ve been the best. I am a hoarder of things, but my mother’s “stuff” was easy to let go… because I had my chest. Take that which is representative of her time here on earth and you too will be satisfied. Love & Hugs…

    • So beautiful my dear friend! Yes, I know your mom through you! She has a beautiful, strong spirit that she passed on to her daughter who just so happens to be one of the most amazing people I know…one who inspires me every day to be brave like her! Thank you for sharing about your mom’s chest! I love you!

  4. Hey Sweet Friend – Thinking of you ! Hugs hugs Hugs – Just keep all the Children’s Books ❤ You & I love our children’s Books ( or I will buy them all ! ) Can’t wait to see you & hear all about your Mama & meet your girls

    • Thanks my friend! I have too many children’s books! I need to do a hug pass through those! I do love them so! Love you!

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